One of the most important distinctions I have learned about relationships is the different between ‘having a relationship’ and ‘relating to your partner’. Far too often, we talk about it and think about it as if it is a static entity. The truth is that you and your partner are constantly changing, evolving and your relationship is too.
By seeing your relationship as a still object, you fall into the trap of not reminding yourself to continuously ‘relate’ in the most effective way. When you change this perspective and you begin to explore ways of relating to your loved ones, you can have a massively positive impact on the relationship itself. Of course the very word relationship puts a sort of limit on the concept as a noun… but I am more talking about the way that we actually relate to the concept.
For example, some people say that they are ‘in’ a relationship and not ‘having’ one. This can be okay as long as we are thinking of the relationship as something that is traveling and moving. Far too often, we find ourselves struggling with the fact that what once worked with the other person no longer does. By reminding yourself that you need to continuously relate, it makes things a million times easier.
Relating itself is about learning from the person what they are thinking and feeling and what they need and want from you as well as expressing your own needs and wants to them in the most effective way possible. When your ‘relationship’ is no longer taken for granted you get to do this is really wonderful ways!
