Hi there,
What’s the Story?
Lately, I’ve been reminded of just how little control we have over the many things that stress us out or challenge us.
Plans change. People behave unpredictably—systems glitch. Life throws curveballs that absolutely do not consult your Google Calendar.
In the middle of all that, one mindset has kept me grounded more than any other: the agency mindset—the habit of always asking:
“What can I control, what can I influence, and what do I need to let go of or trust in?”
This week on the Changing Minds Podcast, I unpacked the agency mindset, from the Stoics to modern psychology, and how I use it multiple times a day to stay sane. You can listen to the full episode here.
In this week’s newsletter, I’m sharing a practical guide you can use whenever life feels chaotic, unfair, or overwhelming.
__________________
Becoming the Hero: How to Build an Agency Mindset
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes 25 seconds
Life will always present you with three things:
- Things you can control
- Things you can influence
- Things that are totally outside your control or influence
How you relate to each of those determines whether you feel powerless, crushed by guilt, or genuinely effective.
That’s where the agency mindset comes in.
At its core, the agency mindset is the belief and habit that asks:
“What can I do about this?”
It’s not about pretending you control everything. It’s about refusing to abandon the part you do control, especially when things are hard.
Let’s unpack where this idea comes from and how you can use it today.
Ancient Roots: Stoics, Buddhists, and a Simple Prayer
The agency mindset is ancient wisdom with updated language:
- Stoic philosophy (Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius) taught that some things are in our control—our judgments, actions, and responses—and others are not. Peace comes from focusing on the first and accepting the second.
- Buddhist teaching emphasises that suffering often arises from trying to control what cannot be controlled, clinging to outcomes in an impermanent world.
- The Serenity Prayer captures the essence in one line: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Modern psychology continued the theme. Julian Rotter’s work on locus of control showed that people who believe they have influence over their lives (internal locus) tend to cope better than those who feel everything is determined by luck or other people (external locus).
But as with most good ideas, the magic is in the application.
The Three Buckets: Control, Influence, Let Go
When something stressful happens—a conflict at work, a health scare, a financial problem—your mind wants to spin on everything at once.
The agency mindset simplifies it into three buckets:
- What can I control?
- What can I influence?
- What is outside my control?
Let’s walk through each.
1. What Can I Control?
This is your first and most important focus.
Typically, you can control:
- Your preparation
- The actions you take
- The effort you put in
- Your attitude
- How you organise your time and energy
- How you communicate
In any situation, ask:
“Regardless of how unfair or messy this is, what is 100% within my control?”
Make a list. Turn it into actions. This is the ground you stand on.
2. What Can I Influence?
You don’t control everything, but you can often increase the probability of a better outcome.
You might be able to influence:
- How others respond to you (by how you communicate)
- The likelihood of a project succeeding (by preparation and follow-up)
- Decisions at work (by building relationships, sharing data, and making a strong case)
Ask:
“What could I do that would raise the odds of things going well?”
You’re not guaranteeing results. You’re stacking the deck.
3. What’s Outside My Control?
This is the part most of us spend far too much energy fighting:
- Past decisions
- Other people’s inner world
- Random events and luck
- Policy changes, market movements, and unexpected crises
For these, two things are needed:
- Acceptance – “This is reality, whether I like it or not.”
- Trust – and this is the piece people often miss.
Trust can take different forms:
- Trust in the people helping you (doctors, colleagues, experts)
- Trust in the future (“This will pass; I’ll find a way through”)
- Trust in something bigger than you (for some, that’s God, faith, or spirituality)
Acceptance without trust can feel like despair.
Acceptance with trust feels like grounded courage.
From Victim or Villain to Hero
For years, as a therapist, I noticed a pattern in the stories people told themselves:
- Some came in as victims: “Everything bad happens to me. Other people/the world are to blame.”
- Others came in as villains: “I ruin everything. I’m my own worst enemy.”
Different stories, same result: no agency.
The work was to help them become heroes in their own narrative.
A hero starts stuck. Overwhelmed. Lost.
What makes them a hero is that they discover:
- What they can do
- What they can change
- Where they can influence the story
They stop waiting for someone else to rescue them or punish them and begin taking ownership.
This is exactly what the agency mindset offers you:
- You may start as the victim of circumstances.
- You might even feel like the villain in your own life.
- But once you focus on control and influence, you begin the journey to hero.
A Simple Agency Check-In
When you’re stressed, overwhelmed, or stuck, pause and ask:
- Control:
- What is fully within my control here?
- What can I do today?
- Influence:
- Who or what can I influence?
- What actions would increase the chances of a better outcome?
- Let Go + Trust:
- What do I have to accept?
- Where do I need to trust time, people, or life itself?
- Story:
- In the story I’ll tell about this one day, am I the victim, the villain, or the hero?
- What would the hero do next?
You don’t have to control everything to feel powerful.
You just have to figure out what you can.
____________________
The Brain Prompt
Think of one situation that’s stressing you today.
On a blank page, draw three headings:
- Control
- Influence
- Let Go + Trust
List at least three items under each.
Then write one sentence:
“If I were the hero of my own life here, my next action would be…”
Now do that action.
For more content on beliefs, influence, and psychology, subscribe to Inner Propaganda.
Cheers,
Owen.
P.S. You can watch this week’s Changing Minds Podcast here.
