How to Get on Better with Anyone

Hi there,

What’s the Story?

Hope you’re keeping well. Things are busier than ever on my end as we roll into a whirlwind few months of events, sessions, and new content. SUMMER IS FINALLY HERE!!!!

We still have a few more weeks before the return of the podcast. In the meantime, we are airing reruns each week on Spotify and iTunes. You can also find them wherever you get your podcasts. I am also sharing some cool clips on my YouTube Channel – you can watch the latest one here.

Below is something that might help you get along better with almost anyone.

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How to Get on Better with Anyone

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes 24 seconds

If there’s one thing that can transform your personal life, your career, your business, and your sanity, it’s your ability to get on better with people. All kinds of people. The ones you like, the ones you’re not sure about, and even the ones you’ve already decided you don’t like.

Most of us walk through the world making snap judgments, carrying baggage from the past, and falling into patterns that don’t serve us. We assume too much. We get in our way. And we forget that we’re constantly building relationships, whether we know it or not.

The Golden Rules

There are three rules I like to use as a foundation. Golden rules, if you will.

The first is the classic:

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

Good. Solid. It works. But we often miss the second, which is:

Treat yourself the way you want to be treated.

Think about that. If you constantly criticize yourself, berate yourself, or dismiss your needs, you’re violating your standards. You’re creating an environment inside your head that makes it harder to connect with anyone else.

And finally, the third rule:

Treat others the way they want to be treated.

This one requires empathy, flexibility, and curiosity. What they value might not be what you value. What they need might not be what you would need. When you learn to honour that, magic happens.

Building Deep Rapport

Much of the research backs this up. One of the more fascinating ideas is called the Liking Gap. Study after study shows that after conversations, we underestimate how much the other person liked us. Dramatically. We assume we came across as awkward or dull when, in fact, they probably thought we were grand. Or better than grand. But because we’re often hypercritical of ourselves, we rewrite the story in our heads before the interaction even finishes. And then the next time, we carry that story in again. Like an unwanted guest at a dinner party, your inner critic ruins the vibe.

We also forget about the Mere Exposure Effect, which tells us that the more we see someone, the more likely we are to like them, assuming they’re not completely obnoxious. Familiarity breeds connection. So yes, showing up regularly, being visible, being warm, being human, it all matters.

But let’s get more specific.

How do you actually become more likable?

Start with liking other people more. Seriously. If you focus on what you like about someone, anything at all, you activate a cascade of micro-signals in your body language, voice, and words that make you more approachable.

That’s why I teach the Deep Rapport Technique: ask yourself

What do you like about them?
How are they similar to you?
How can you make them feel good in this situation?

When you do that, you’re rewiring your behavior in real-time to align with a deeper, more natural connection.

Then there’s the concept of small talk. We love to hate it. But small talk is often the doorway into someone’s mind and heart. When you reframe it as a bridge, rather than a pointless exchange of trivialities, it starts to serve a purpose. You use it to calibrate, to sense mood, to find common ground. Once you’ve crossed that bridge, you can take the conversation deeper.

If awkwardness shows up? Welcome it. Be cool about it. I’m socially awkward all the time. And the moment I started owning that instead of fighting it, everything got easier. People respond to honesty. Especially unpolished honesty.

Overcoming Judgment

We also need to talk about judgment. We judge people way too quickly and way too harshly. That’s not always our fault; our brains are prediction machines, trying to keep us safe. But if you want to build better relationships, you need to slow the judgment train down.

Ask:

What do I actually know about this person?

What am I assuming?

What else could be true?

Is there a different story I could tell myself?

Could I be wrong?

And if I’m wrong, what would that say about me? (Spoiler: nothing bad. It says you’re flexible. That you’re smart enough to update your prior beliefs. That you dare to be wrong. And that makes you even more likable.)

Then comes the red flag conversation.

Yes, some people are walking red flags. And you should trust yourself enough to notice that. But be specific.

What are the actual behaviors that signal danger to you?

Be clear about your red flags. Know your orange flags, those things that might just mean caution, not a complete shutdown. And celebrate your green flags, the qualities in others that bring out the best in you. When you’re clear about your signals, you can stop wasting energy on relationships that drain you and focus on those that elevate you.

Keeping Boundaries

One of my favourite distinctions is about boundaries. Boundaries aren’t walls. They are doors with locks. They let the right people in and keep the wrong ones out, but they still open. And here’s the real kicker: boundaries are not a license to be rude.

There’s this trend lately, especially in individualistic cultures, that elevates boundaries above all else, as if being “true to yourself” means ignoring how your behavior impacts others. But kindness matters. Courtesy matters. You can protect your peace without being nasty about it.

Assume people like you. Assume they want to help you. Assume they might become great friends. Then bring the right attitude: enthusiasm, energy, curiosity, playfulness, warmth. Develop the right abilities: rapport, small talk, storytelling, humour, empathy. And master the art of reading people and reading context. Learn to sense the room. Sense their state. And influence with integrity. This is how we build better relationships.

And remember, consider the context. If you meet someone during a stressful moment, they might not be their best self. Don’t judge them based on their worst 10 seconds.

Ask yourself, is it the person or the situation? Could this interaction have gone differently in a different setting?

Context shapes behavior more than we realise.

Finally, if you want to build stronger relationships, deepen trust by being honest, open, reliable, consistent, and authentic. Share experiences. Share stories. Share challenges and goals. Let people in. Not all at once, but enough to give them a window into who you are.

When things get challenging, deal with conflict by being respectful, understanding, and kind. You don’t have to agree with everyone. You don’t have to like everyone. But you can always treat people well, and that makes all the difference.

If there’s one thing to take away, it’s this:

Better relationships start with better beliefs.

About yourself. About others. And about what’s possible when you drop the armor and lead with heart. That’s how we get on better with anyone.

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