The Source Code of Leadership with Dov Baron

Hi there,

What’s the Story?

This week, I had the chance to sit down with my friend Dov Baron, one of the world’s leading voices on leadership, emotional intelligence, and belonging. Our conversation went deep into the real drivers of human behavior, why belonging matters more than fitting in, and how leaders can use vulnerability as a superpower. You can watch the Changing Minds podcast episode here.

In this edition of Inner Propaganda, I want to share the insights I took away, lessons not just for leaders, but for anyone who wants to understand themselves and others better. You can find more on Dov Baron and his next book, Creating Cultures of Belonging, here.

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The Source Code of Leadership

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes 02 seconds

We like to think we’re logical; that we make decisions based on reason, analysis, and facts. But as Dov Baron explains, every decision you’ve ever made, in business, in love, in life, has been filtered through your emotional source code. This is the deep, unconscious programming that stems from your upbringing, culture, and lived experiences. It’s the set of meanings you’ve created to survive.

Here’s why this matters: your rational mind isn’t in charge. It justifies choices you’ve already made emotionally. As Dov put it, “Human beings are brilliant at rational lies.” Our emotional DNA, not logic, is what drives us. And until you uncover and understand that source code, you’ll keep repeating the same patterns.

The Anatomy of Meaning

Dov describes five levels shaping our behavior. At the surface are behaviors. Beneath that are beliefs and values. Dig deeper, and you reach identity – what we’ll fight for or even die to protect. But identity itself is built on something deeper: the anatomy of meaning.

The stories we told ourselves about survival when we were young. Stories like “I need to rescue people to be loved” or “I have to be tough to survive.” These meanings become the source code. They run in the background, shaping who we think we are and the choices we make.

This explains why belief change work often doesn’t stick. If you try to shift a belief but it’s tied to an identity, the old identity pulls it back. Real transformation requires burning down an identity that no longer serves you and consciously creating a new one.

Dov himself spoke about a moment in his life when he fell while climbing and nearly died. That trauma forced him to confront not just his behaviors, but the very identity he had built to survive as a kid in poverty and violence. It wasn’t the accident alone that changed him; it was the moment he finally listened, allowed the old identity to burn away, and decided who he would become.

Belonging vs. Fitting In

We all crave community. But there’s a world of difference between belonging and fitting in. Fitting in means squeezing yourself into a box – behaving, thinking, and looking the way others expect. Belonging is bringing all of yourself. It’s being valued not just for what you were hired to do, but for the gifts you didn’t even know you could bring. Leaders who create belonging unlock potential. Leaders who demand fitting in create conformity.

And belonging has never been more urgent. In a post-pandemic world where many of our old communities dissolved, people are starved for genuine connection. If they don’t find healthy belonging, they’ll find it in destructive places.

As Dov put it, toxic tribes, from extremist movements to online hate groups, are just bad solutions to real problems of loneliness. The challenge for leaders, families, and communities is to offer better solutions. Healthy belonging means finding common ground, aligning around shared purpose, and creating spaces where people feel understood. Without that, polarization and othering only grow stronger.

The Power of Vulnerability

Authenticity is an overused word, but Dov reframes it: real authenticity is the courage to be vulnerable. Vulnerability doesn’t mean oversharing or wallowing. It means revealing enough of your own imperfections to create a connection. Leaders can do this in small, deliberate doses: admitting that life isn’t perfect, sharing a past struggle, acknowledging uncertainty. Done with discernment, vulnerability builds trust. Mirror neurons fire, oxytocin flows, and people feel safe. And when people feel safe, they show up fully.

Dov made another critical point: vulnerability without discernment isn’t helpful. When leaders overshare, it can become narcissistic, stealing the spotlight instead of creating space for others. True vulnerability is about connection, not self-indulgence. The best leaders master confident vulnerability: they can admit imperfection while still showing strength.

Curiosity as a Superpower

If Dov could give the world one superpower, it would be curiosity. Curiosity, as in the willingness to listen deeply, to seek out views that challenge our own, and to keep asking better questions. Curiosity is the antidote to polarization.

In fact, curiosity is what allows leaders to break free of their own source code. By questioning their assumptions, examining their biases, and asking why they make the choices they do, they start to uncover the hidden meanings driving them. From there, real growth is possible.

The Leadership Imperative

The biggest insight I took away? Meaning creates movement. Whoever controls the meaning controls where people go. Leaders who can uncover the hidden meanings driving behavior, and offer new, empowering ones hold the key to transformation, both personal and organizational. It’s not enough to give people a paycheck. It’s not enough to set rules. Leaders must create purpose, belonging, and trust. When they do, people don’t just show up; they come alive.

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