Hi there,
What’s the Story?
I am delivering a few sessions on creative thinking in South Africa in an infinity room this week!!! (It’s a very cool room with mirrors and lights)
I am also traveling beforehand and getting back into the swing of things. I miss the adventures. Time to have some more.
This week, my podcast is about the stories that you tell yourself. I explore how this happens, why this happens, and what to do about the fact that it’s happening. Check it out here: video.owenfitzpatrick.com.
And the article this week will certainly give you a taster!
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How Stories Change Your Mind
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes 22 seconds
The stories you tell yourself shape the quality of your life.
In this week’s newsletter, we’re diving into the profound impact of storytelling on our minds and how you can take charge of your own narrative.
I will draw from the latest neuroscience. I’ll also share my experiences in working for more than 25 years as a therapist, coach, and consultant to help individuals and businesses change their stories. Finally, I’ll explore the work that I’ve done in studying screenwriting and storytelling for more than 15 years.
I aim to walk you through the elements of storytelling, the science behind it, and practical strategies to transform the stories you tell yourself.
The Importance of Stories
We tell ourselves stories all the time. Stories about who we are, what’s going to happen in the future, and why things happened in the past. These stories shape our reality and determine how we perceive the world.
Let’s explore why we tell stories in the first place.
When we were hunting and gathering, we needed to be able to communicate important information throughout our tribe. We did this in the form of stories.
Storytelling allowed us to make sense of the world and offered us a chance to guide each other to survive the threats to our lives.
When we encountered a lion, for instance, we would be able to share with others how we safely escaped.
We think in stories and, to a great extent, our brains are wired for stories.
The Neuroscience of Stories
Since I love diving into the brain and understanding how it works, let’s talk about the neuroscience behind storytelling.
When you hear a story, your brain releases chemicals that make you feel connected, engaged, and motivated.
The key chemicals that are involved include:
1. Oxytocin: Known as the love hormone, oxytocin makes us feel connected and empathetic towards others. When you hear a story about a character overcoming obstacles, you feel bonded to that character.
2. Cortisol: Often called the stress hormone, cortisol is released when something goes wrong in a story. It grabs your attention and makes you alert.
3. Dopamine: This is the chemical of motivation. When a story has a positive outcome or a twist that suggests success, your brain releases dopamine, making you feel excited and engaged.
These chemicals play a crucial role in making stories memorable and impactful.
You trigger oxytocin by making sure your main character is relatable and has a goal and an obstacle that is stopping them. You trigger cortisol when something goes wrong in the story and when the main character struggles. You trigger dopamine when something goes right and the main character is getting closer to their goal.
Oxytocin gets people interested in the story.
Cortisol and dopamine keep people engaged.
Functions of Stories
If that’s what’s happening in the brain, what do stories actually do for us?
1. Message or moral: Stories often carry a message or moral, providing valuable lessons and insights.
2. Creating emotion: Stories evoke emotions, making them more impactful than mere facts or statistics.
3. Positioning: The stories we tell position us and others in a certain way, influencing how we perceive and are perceived by others.
4. Creating reality: Stories shape our perception of reality. The narratives we buy into influence how we see the world.
5. Collaboration: Shared stories enable us to collaborate and work together effectively.
Understanding these functions helps us see why stories are so powerful and pervasive in our lives. We are usually doing a combination of these actions with the various stories we tell.
Types of Stories We Tell Ourselves
Most of the time, in the world of storytelling, we talk about the stories we use with others. But it’s important to realize that we also tell ourselves stories all the time.
Let’s explore the different types of stories we tell ourselves and how they influence our lives:
1. Stories about the Future:
- Possibilities: What can happen?
- Probabilities: What is likely to happen?
- Ideal: What should happen?
2. Stories about the Past:
- Blame: Who is responsible?
- Regret: What should have been different?
- Reasons: Why did this happen?
3. Stories about the Present:
- Current Situation: What’s happening now?
- Judgment: Who is right or wrong?
- Meanings: What does this mean?
4. Stories about Ourselves:
- Identity: Who am I?
- Capabilities: What am I capable of?
- Worthiness: What do I deserve?
5. Stories about Others:
- Judgments: How do we evaluate others’ character and actions?
- Comparisons: How do we measure up against others?
Recognizing these stories is the first step in transforming them. The questions under each type of story are the questions you answer when constructing the story. The stories you tell yourself will determine how you think and feel about the past, present, and future, as well as about yourself and other people.
Changing the Stories, You Tell Yourself
Changing your narrative can be transformative. Here are some strategies to help you rewrite your stories:
1. Change the Character: Shift your perspective from being the victim or villain to being the hero. Recognize your agency and the choices you can make.
The difference between the victim or villain in a story and the hero, for instance, is that the hero is focused on doing whatever they can to handle the situation. They are aware of what is in their control and under their influence.
So when you think through the disempowering story that you are telling yourself about yourself or your past for instance, asking the question: ‘What can I control or influence?’ can actively help you to transform how you experience the story.
2. Change the Ending: Instead of focusing on the negative outcomes of your past or present, create a new narrative about your future. Decide how your story ends.
Most of the stories we tell ourselves are our brain’s attempt to predict what will happen next. Even the stories we tell ourselves about the present or the past have the function of offering us an insight into what is likely to happen moving forward.
But since the future hasn’t been written yet, we can decide to pivot the story and imagine ‘What if things worked out well in the end?’ A simple question like that can make all the difference.
3. Use Different Perspectives: Tell the story from different characters’ viewpoints to gain new insights and emotional distance.
One of the most useful techniques that can help with stories that explore the problems you experience in relationships is to change perspectives. This means imagining the same story but told from different points of view.
Let’s imagine you were telling yourself a story about how you’ll always be alone. You would start to ask yourself what would the people who love you and care for you say about that story. What story would they tell?
4. Embrace Emotional Regulation: Understand and manage the emotions that your stories evoke. Use techniques like labeling emotions and practicing mindfulness to stay grounded.
Recognizing that you are telling yourself a disempowering story and understanding how you are feeling is useful. The more self-aware you are in how you are thinking and feeling, the more you can deal with your emotions.
Employ emotional granularity where you identify specifically what you are feeling when you share the story. This helps you disconnect the feeling from the story and you can start feeling better as a result.
5. Leverage the Power of Narrative Transportation: Immerse yourself in positive, inspiring stories that can influence your mindset and beliefs.
Narrative transportation is the scientific term to describe the experience we get when we become immersed in a story. By exploring stories of success where people like you overcame hardship or adversity to succeed, you will train yourself to start thinking like this and your stories will get better.
The stories you tell yourself are powerful tools that shape your reality. By becoming aware of these narratives and intentionally changing them, you can transform your life. Remember, you have the power to be the hero of your own story.
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The Brain Prompt
Spend some time thinking about who you are and what your future looks like.
What stories are you telling yourself?
How can you change those stories and start believing in a brighter future?
For more insights, subscribe to my weekly newsletter (owenfitzpatrick.com/newsletter).
Cheers,
Owen.
P.S. For a more in-depth discussion on this, tune in to the Changing Minds podcast and explore more about the transformative power of storytelling: check it out here.
