Hi there,
What’s the Story?
I had such a wonderful time last week delivering a keynote for my friend Tom Ziglar with his wonderful group of coaches. An amazing group and a very fun time.
This week, we’re going to tackle a very important topic. Ever feel like you’re not quite “enough”? Smart enough, successful enough, good enough? Same. It’s one of the most universal struggles I’ve seen in nearly 30 years of working with leaders and high performers.
Yesterday on YouTube, I shared another clip, and I hope you like it. Here, I’ve written an article on how to feel good enough. It’s packed with science, stories, and strategies to help you rewire that inner critic and build a better baseline of self-worth.
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How to Feel Good Enough
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes 26 seconds
There’s a part of your brain that never shuts up. It loops through everything you could’ve done better, said smarter, looked sharper, or achieved faster.
It’s the voice that says:
“You should be further along.”
“People like you don’t belong here.”
“If they really knew you, they’d run.”
Sound familiar?
That voice is part of your default mode network—a brain system active when you’re not focused on the outside world. It replays old mistakes, compares you to others, and tries to make sense of your identity. But here’s the catch: its narrative is rarely accurate.
Most of us don’t feel “not enough” because we are lacking—we feel it because we’ve been conditioned to judge ourselves through impossible standards.
Let’s unpack why this happens and how to change it.
The Brain’s Built-In Bias
Your brain evolved to keep you safe, not happy. It scans for threats, including social ones. And in today’s world, those threats show up as:
- The highlight reels on social media
- The rejection that triggered a memory
- The internal story that says “you always mess up”
The default mode network compares your current self to who you think you should be. It loves unrealistic standards. Add in perfectionism, criticism, or comparison traps, and you’ve got a recipe for chronic inadequacy.
But here’s the truth:
“Good enough” isn’t a fixed point. It’s a feeling, shaped by your perspective, your past, and your patterns.
Why “Trying Harder” Doesn’t Fix It
You’d think achievement would help. Once you get the degree, land the role, and earn the praise, then you’ll feel good enough.
But nope. That feeling just moves the goalposts. The more we chase worthiness outside ourselves, the emptier we tend to feel inside. Because worthiness isn’t earned. It’s remembered.
It’s something you reclaim by changing the story you tell yourself—about who you are, what you deserve, and what it means to be human.
10 Strategies to Start Feeling Good Enough
Here are 10 evidence-based tools I’ve found most helpful for myself, my clients, and thousands of workshop participants over the years:
1. Name the Narrative
Catch the internal story: “I’m not enough because…”
Then ask: Whose voice is that? Often, it’s not yours. It’s a parent, teacher, or peer you internalized.
2. Shift the Language
Instead of “I’m not confident,” say “I haven’t practiced confidence in this area yet.”
Language changes everything.
3. Focus on Feelings, Not Outcomes
Ask: “What would help me feel more confident or grounded right now?” Then reverse engineer your behavior from the desired emotion, not just goals.
4. Break the Comparison Loop
Social media is often a highlight reel of people pretending to be okay. Limit exposure—or balance it with reality checks and gratitude prompts.
5. Reframe the Inner Critic
Instead of “I’m a mess,” try: “Part of me feels like a mess today.”
It creates distance and compassion without denial.
6. Practice Self-Compassion like a Skill
According to Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion isn’t weakness—it’s resilience training. Treat yourself how you’d treat a loved one struggling.
7. Rebuild Identity Through Action
Don’t wait to feel worthy. Act like someone who is. Confidence often comes after action, not before.
8. Choose Your Comparison Standards Wisely
Compare yourself to who you used to be, not who someone else appears to be. Progress, not perfection.
9. Interrupt Perfectionism with Play
Perfectionism thrives in pressure.
Break the cycle with small, playful actions that don’t have high stakes.
10. Build Belonging Through Brave Sharing
When you share your struggle, you normalize the experience.
You become a mirror that helps others feel seen, and that helps you feel less alone.
Feeling good enough isn’t about lowering the bar. It’s about building a better baseline.
One that says:
“I’m not perfect. But I am worthy.” “I can grow, but I don’t need to prove.” “I’ve got flaws, and I’m still enough.”
Because when you believe you’re enough, you stop performing, start connecting, and finally become the leader you were meant to be.
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The Brain Prompt
This week, notice when your inner voice whispers “not enough.”
Pause. Name it. Challenge it.
Then ask:
What would I say if someone I loved felt this way?
Now say it to yourself.
For more actionable insights on storytelling, influence, and psychology, subscribe to Inner Propaganda.
Cheers,
Owen.
