How to Overcome Self-Sabotage

Hi there,

What’s the Story?

We are well into January and the year is starting to pick up. This week, our podcast episode and the article below dive into a topic that many of you have been asking about: self-sabotage. I walk through the various reasons why we shoot ourselves in the foot and what we can do to stop ourselves from doing it.

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How to Overcome Self-Sabotage

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes 16 seconds

Have you ever felt like you’re your own worst enemy? You set goals, make plans, and dream big, only to find yourself procrastinating, doubting, or repeating the same mistakes. Self-sabotage is a universal human experience that blocks us from achieving success and fulfillment.

But here’s the secret: self-sabotage isn’t a reflection of your abilities; it’s a reflection of your beliefs, fears, and unmet needs.

In this expanded edition of Inner Propaganda, we’ll uncover why we sabotage ourselves, the neuroscience behind it, and 13 actionable strategies to stop this cycle for good. By the end of this article, you’ll have a practical roadmap to rewrite the stories holding you back and unlock your full potential.

What Is Self-Sabotage, and Why Do We Do It?

Self-sabotage occurs when our actions, thoughts, or behaviors interfere with our goals. It’s that nagging voice telling you to avoid a challenge or indulge in destructive habits, even when you know better.

Common manifestations of self-sabotage:

Procrastination: “I’ll start tomorrow.” (But tomorrow never comes.)
Negative thinking: “Why bother? I’m not good enough.”
Destructive actions: Overeating, overspending, or binge-watching Netflix instead of working on your goals.
Avoidance: Dodging opportunities that could lead to growth or success.

But the question is: Why do we sabotage ourselves?

The Deep Roots of Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage is rarely about laziness or lack of willpower. Instead, it’s rooted in deep psychological patterns shaped by fears, beliefs, and social influences.

1. Fear of Failure
We’re not afraid of failure itself; we fear what failure means. It threatens our sense of self-worth and reinforces the damaging belief that we’re not enough. For instance, failing at a business venture might make you think, “I’m not cut out for this,” rather than seeing failure as part of the learning process.

2. Fear of Success
Success brings responsibility, visibility, and change—all of which can be intimidating. When you’re successful, people expect more from you, and the fear of scrutiny or losing what you’ve gained can stop you before you start.

3. Low Self-Worth
If you don’t believe you’re worthy of success, you’ll unconsciously undermine your efforts. Low self-esteem creates cognitive dissonance: your actions (striving for success) conflict with your beliefs (not feeling good enough).

4. Learned Helplessness
This occurs when past failures convince us that no effort will make a difference. We give up, believing that success is out of reach, even when opportunities are within grasp.

5. Perfectionism
The pursuit of perfection paralyzes progress. If something can’t be done perfectly, why bother doing it at all? This all-or-nothing mindset keeps you stuck in inaction.

6. Immediate Gratification
Temptation often wins over discipline. Dopamine drives short-term pleasures, like scrolling social media or snacking, while long-term goals feel distant and abstract.

7. Fear of Judgment
We fear being judged by others, whether it’s criticism for our failures or resentment for our success. This societal pressure keeps us small and afraid to take risks.

The Neuroscience of Self-Sabotage

Your brain plays a pivotal role in self-sabotage. Here’s how it conspires against you:

Dopamine and rewards: Dopamine motivates action toward rewards. However, it peaks for immediate gratification (like eating a cookie) rather than delayed rewards (like running a marathon). This makes it harder to choose long-term goals.
The Amygdala and fear: The brain’s fear center, the amygdala, activates when it perceives threats. Success, failure, and change can all feel threatening, triggering avoidance behaviors.
Stress and decision-making: When stressed, the prefrontal cortex—responsible for rational thought—reduces in activity. This impairs judgment, making it harder to choose wisely.

By understanding these mechanisms, you can outsmart your brain’s sabotage strategies.

13 Strategies to Stop Self-Sabotage

1. Cultivate Self-Awareness

Take stock of your self-sabotaging behaviors. Ask yourself:

Where in my life am I holding myself back?
What specific actions or habits sabotage my success?
Why am I doing this?

Awareness is the first step toward change. Write down your patterns and triggers to uncover what’s driving them.

2. Reframe Failure

Failure isn’t a dead end; it’s a stepping stone. Treat failure as feedback, not identity. When you fail, ask:

What can I learn from this?
How can I improve next time?

Remember: Failure is temporary. It only becomes permanent if you stop trying.

3. Prepare for Success

Success brings change, but that’s not a bad thing. Anticipate the challenges success might bring—like increased responsibility—and create a plan to handle them.

This proactive approach reduces fear and builds confidence.

4. Improve Your Self-Talk

Challenge your inner critic. When negative thoughts arise, ask:

How do I know this is true?
Is this belief helping or hurting me?

5. Break It Down

Big goals can feel overwhelming. Break them into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate each milestone to build momentum and stay motivated.

6. Turn Guilt into Glory

Use guilt as fuel for positive action. If you feel guilty about past mistakes, take steps to make amends or contribute positively to others.

Success gives you more resources to help those around you.

7. Embrace Imperfection

Perfectionism is a myth. Even the most successful people make mistakes. Strive for progress, not perfection. Remember: Done is better than perfect.

8. Expand Your Comfort Zone

Don’t just step outside your comfort zone—make it bigger. Practice uncomfortable actions until they become second nature. Growth happens when discomfort becomes the new normal.

9. Resolve Cognitive Dissonance

Align your actions with your desired identity. For example, if you want to be a healthy person, tell yourself: “I am someone who makes healthy choices.”

Your brain will follow the story you believe.

10. Get Comfortable with Judgment

Criticism is inevitable, but it reflects more about the critic than you. Remember: The loudest critics are often their own worst enemies.

Stay focused on your journey and let judgment roll off your back.

11. Make Long-Term Goals Irresistible

Visualize your goals in vivid detail. Imagine the pride of completing a marathon or the satisfaction of publishing your book. The clearer the vision, the stronger the motivation.

12. Find Accountability

Partner with someone who will hold you accountable. Share your goals and check in regularly to stay on track.

13. Label your Emotions

Develop emotional granularity—the ability to identify and articulate your feelings. This helps you separate emotions from decisions, so you can stay disciplined even when you’re feeling off.

Rewrite Your Story

Self-sabotage isn’t a life sentence. It’s a pattern—a story you’ve been telling yourself that no longer serves you. The good news? You have the power to rewrite that story.

Start small. Pick one strategy from this list and implement it today. The more you practice, the stronger and more resilient you’ll become.

Your challenge: Identify one area where you’re sabotaging yourself and take action to change it.

Remember: The stories you sell yourself shape the beliefs you buy into. Change the story, and you’ll change your life.

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