The Most Important Kind of Love

A couple of years ago I came across research which suggested that when talking to yourself, it was significantly better for you to use second or third person pronouns rather than first person pronouns. The idea is that using second or third person pronouns enable you to think more objectively and thus more clearly. Recently I re-shared a video I did on changing how you talk to yourself. It seemed to strike a chord with quite a lot of people. It seems more and more people understand that they need to change how they are talking to themselves. So, can speaking to yourself in second or third person language help?

Absolutely. For the simple reason that the more you talk like that the easier it is to take charge over how you speak to yourself. To me, one of the biggest mistakes that we make in our thinking is that we take ourselves for granted. We dismiss ourselves as people and we insult and berate ourselves without any consideration of consequence. Our attempts to solve problems and avoid making mistakes often come at the expense of how we feel about ourselves.

When we use the words ‘you’ ‘your’ or ‘we’ use our first name to talk to ourselves, the first thing that we do is we acknowledge ourselves as an independent person. This is so important because when we do, we get the chance to treat ourselves like we do other people. That means learning the most important kind of love that we need to show… self-love.

As a single guy, I have experienced many different types of Valentine’s Days in the past, but I am always reminded of the person who is always forgotten about on February 14th: ourselves. To me, showing yourself love is one of the most important things that you can do. We need to be on our own side. We need to be there for ourselves. We need to show that, no matter what happens to us, we are our own supporter.

Loving yourself is critical regardless of your relationship status. It means taking time to do something loving with yourself in mind. It involves taking a moment to acknowledge the wonderfulness of you. When you talk yourself through tough times, distancing language like avoiding first person pronouns will help. Treating yourself like an objective person will help. What will help even more, however, is not just treating yourself objectively. What will help the most is treating yourself like family, like your very best friend, like how your pet sees you. So, next time you find yourself talking to you, remember you’re a person… an amazing person… and worth loving.


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