When You Deal with Adversity, this is the Mindset You Need

Hi there,

What’s the Story?

This week, I tore up what I had planned to write and started from scratch because of the last week I had. Hope the article below helps you with whatever challenges you are facing.

Also, this week, remember to check out the latest episode of the Changing Minds Podcast. I have an amazing interview with the author of The Hype Handbook, Michael F. Schein. Michael and I nerd out and discuss the coming election, Donald Trump, Kamala Harris, RFK, Tulsi Gabbard, Simon Sinek, Jordan Peterson amongst others. It was so much fun to talk about how the best in the world at influence are doing what they do. Check it out here: video.owenfitzpatrick.com.

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When You Deal with Adversity, this is the Mindset You Need

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes 07 seconds

Last Monday, three miles into an eight-mile run, my hamstring tightened so much I had no choice but to stop. The pain wasn’t the worst part—it was the fear of everything falling apart just weeks before the New York Marathon. Fearing the worst, I began the long walk home and fought my panic. After months of waking up early and pushing through all kinds of temperatures to pound the pavement, weekend long runs that I dreaded for days, and so many sacrifices made…. did it all come down to this?

I have told everyone I’m doing this. I am raising money for a cause. Was I putting my 46-year-old body through all of this for nothing? Adrenaline pumped through my system—not because of the pain, but because of the fear. Could I compete? This marathon is only a run, yet it means so much more to me. How would I get through this?

One mindset saved me — a mindset from 1900 years ago.

The Problem

Before we get to what saved me, let’s talk about why this was such a big deal to me. The problem wasn’t really the injury. The problem was what the injury meant. And how much the marathon meant to me.

One of the best insights from Buddhism is the notion of detachment. My favorite quote about this concept comes from the 1995 movie Heat:

“Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.”

In reality, I’ve never mastered that. I do fear losing the people I love a lot. When a relationship ends or a friendship breaks apart, it cuts me to the bone. When I set my heart on something, I become obsessed. And so it is with the marathon.

I fell in love with this challenge early this year. While I used to run a few times a week for a few miles here and there, training for the marathon has been a beast. I found it so much harder than when I was in my twenties. I set myself a target time and wanted to achieve it, so I put in the effort in every training session.

This wasn’t just about completing it. It was about getting as close to the time as possible. It was so hard, but I relished that. Usually, most of my goals are cerebral. That’s my forte—my TEDx talk, my books, a big keynote. I thrive under pressure when I have to use my brain. My body—not so much.

Then there was worry.

In the last five years since I moved to the States, I have fallen while running a multitude of times, and I have broken my arms THREE times. Twice on my left arm and once on my right. Each time, I simply stumbled and landed in the press-up position, and my elbow cracked. Every time I run, I am aware of that possibility. The fear of injury is literally around every corner.

Maybe you are struggling with a specific challenge in your life. Maybe you’re worrying a lot about something that is stressing you out. Maybe you’re trying to deal with constant change or uncertainty about your future. There’s something that can help you.

The Mindset

There is one particular mindset that kept me sane that day and continues to do that for me today. It’s the same mindset that I have taught thousands of people and that millions across the world have learned over the years. The lesson is referenced in the field of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It’s mentioned in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It’s particularly connected to the philosophy of Stoicism and, indeed, it comes down to a phrase articulated almost two thousand years ago by Epictetus, a Stoic Philosopher:

“Some things are up to us, and some things are not up to us. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.”

Let’s break this down:

Our opinions refer to how we interpret the world—our mindset shapes our reality.

Our pursuit refers to what actions we take toward our goal

Our desires are the goals we set for ourselves

Aversion is what we don’t want

Our body refers to potential injury or illness

Our property is the money or wealth we can accumulate

Our reputation is how we are known by others

Command is the level of authority we have over others

In moments like this, I try to remind myself of what ancient Stoic philosophers knew so well…

To a large extent today, this still holds. That’s not to say that we can’t INFLUENCE some of these factors. But fundamentally, we cannot control these things because they rely on others or circumstances. “Control the controllables” is how it’s often said today.

Stephen Covey shares the Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence techniques. In this technique, you draw a circle with everything that concerns you, and inside of it, you draw a circle of everything that you can influence. The idea is that most of what is inside your circle of concern should also be in your circle of influence. This concept is also sometimes referred to as ‘high agency’. A big part of becoming successful in life is being ‘high agency’. Focus on what you can control.

Many self-help authors and psychologists emphasize personal responsibility. Indeed, one of the things I focus a lot on is transforming the stories you tell yourself from the ‘VICTIM’ of your circumstances to the ‘HERO’ of your life. The one shift that turns you into a hero is focusing on what you can control. Because heroes face adversity just like victims do. The difference is that heroes actively do something about it. They focus on what they can do as opposed to the many things that they cannot.

We must learn to expect the adversity, disappointments, and setbacks that are a natural part of life and respond to them in such a way that we rise up and become stronger because of them.

Getting to the Starting Line

So, last Monday, I got an appointment with my physiotherapist. I learned that the pain was coming from a nerve in my lower back. They worked on that. On Wednesday and Thursday, I ran again for a few miles—extremely slow. I ran and walked. I canceled the 20-mile run I had originally planned for the weekend and accepted that I needed to take my foot off the pedal.

From now until the marathon it is defensive running. I must run slowly and walk and keep everything easy from now until race day. It’s highly unlikely that I’ll make it close to my goal time since I won’t run near that pace for the next few weeks. But the focus is to get to race day in the best state possible and then embark on 26.2 miles (42k) through the city of New York. While I know the atmosphere will be amazing, and it will be a very exciting day, there is so much I don’t know. I don’t know how my body will hold up to then. I don’t know how it will respond to dozens of miles and running solid for hours. I don’t know what the weather will be like: will it be stormy or windy? There are so many things out of my control.

As is true in life.

What I do know is what I can control and influence. This is the law of agency. For everything in life, you have three buckets:

1. What you can control

2. What you can influence

3. What is outside of your control

The idea is to focus on bucket one and then two and accept what’s in bucket three.

I believe that bucket two is underrated. So much of what happens in life is something we can influence. This means that we can stack the deck and make something more probable. We do this by learning what works and staying patient and consistent in executing the disciplines that will get us results. Sometimes, slowing down can help you to speed up. And when it doesn’t, at the very least, it can help you to keep going.

While I’ve accepted that I might need to let go of my original time target, what I can do is do all the right things from now on to get myself to the starting line. And then, on that Sunday morning in November, I’ll leave it all on the race course.

In life, sometimes, we have to adjust our goals. Sometimes, we have to adjust our strategy. But what we always must keep strong is our mindset. I have no idea what the next few weeks have in store, so I will just focus on how I can give myself the best chance of getting through the challenge.

I’ll keep you posted.

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