Hi there,
What’s the Story?
Happy Valentine’s week. I hope you’re keeping well and warm. This week I’m very excited to share that I had one of my closest friends, Kevin Fitzsimons, on the podcast. He was visiting me from Europe, and we talked about all sorts of things, including where toxic positivity is going wrong and how we really need to think to stay sane in an insane world. This was one of the most enjoyable and thought-provoking episodes ever, so check it out here. In the article below, I touch on some of the key insights we discussed!
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Why You’re Trying Too Hard (And What to Do Instead)
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes 31 seconds
We live in an era that worships hustle culture.
- Wake up at 5 AM.
- Take cold showers.
- Biohack your way to peak performance.
- Journal.
- Meditate.
- Eat a perfect diet.
- Train like an Olympian.
- Work like a Wall Street machine.
Everywhere we turn, we’re told we need to optimize our lives to the max. If you’re not maximizing productivity and crushing your goals, then what are you even doing?
But what if this relentless striving is actually making us miserable?
What if the key to success, happiness, and fulfillment isn’t doing more—but doing less?
This was one of the most eye-opening insights from my conversation with Kevin Fitzsimons, a global expert in digital marketing, experience design, and human behavior.
Kevin’s take?
“Stop trying so damn hard.”
At first, it sounds counterintuitive. But when you dig into it, it might just be one of the most important mindset shifts of our time.
The Pressure to Be Special (And Why It’s a Trap)
For years, we’ve been sold a beautiful lie.
The lie that…
- You are special.
- You have a unique destiny to fulfill.
- You are meant to change the world.
This message is everywhere.
It’s in every self-help book, every motivational seminar, every LinkedIn post dripping with #MondayMotivation.
And at first, it sounds empowering.
Who wouldn’t want to believe that their life is destined for greatness?
But here’s the catch…
If everyone is special, then by definition, no one is.
Kevin pointed out something few people dare to say:
- Not everyone is meant to be extraordinary.
- Not everyone will change the world.
- And that’s OK.
The real problem isn’t that we’re not special.
The real problem is that we think we should be.
And this creates an endless cycle of:
- Feeling like we’re never enough.
- Chasing impossible standards.
- Comparing ourselves to unrealistic success stories.
Think about it.
We’re constantly bombarded with stories of visionary entrepreneurs, genius inventors, and billion-dollar success stories.
We read about Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos, Oprah, Einstein, Da Vinci…
But we rarely read about John from accounting, who’s quietly living a happy, fulfilling, perfectly normal life.
The result?
We start believing that happiness is only found in greatness.
That a normal, balanced life is somehow a failure.
And so, we chase, strive, push, and grind.
We become obsessed with hacking our way to success.
But what if that’s the real trap?
The Problem with Optimization Culture
In the last decade, optimization culture has taken over every aspect of our lives.
Kevin pointed out something crucial:
- We’re turning our lives into productivity spreadsheets.
- We’re treating happiness like an algorithm.
- We’re commodifying our own emotions.
The philosopher Byung-Chul Han calls this “information capitalism.”
In today’s world:
- Friendships are measured in likes.
- Our worth is based on engagement metrics.
- Happiness is something you can optimize, monetize, and track.
But what if trying to optimize everything is actually making things worse?
The Stoic Alternative: Acceptance Over Striving
The Stoics had a simple truth:
– You will die.
Memento Mori.
To modern ears, that sounds morbid.
But in reality, it’s liberating.
Why?
Because it forces us to stop obsessing over things that don’t matter.
Instead of spending your days:
- Stressing over things you can’t control.
- Obsessing over self-improvement.
- Chasing impossible perfection.
What if you simply lived?
Kevin’s version of this?
“Stop trying so hard.”
Here’s what that looks like in practice:
- Stop trying to control what you can’t control.
- Stop believing you must be “extraordinary” to be happy.
- Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to be someone you’re not.
Instead, focus on what actually matters.
The Takeaway: Try Differently, Not Harder
Kevin isn’t arguing against ambition, passion, or curiosity.
He’s simply saying:
– Do it because you love it, not because you think it will “fix” you.
We don’t need to be world-changing visionaries to live meaningful lives.
We don’t need to be superhuman productivity machines to be valuable.
We don’t need to be constantly improving to be enough.
What if the key to happiness isn’t doing more, achieving more, optimizing more—but simply living, fully and freely, in the reality of what is?
Now, that’s a radical idea.
To dive deeper into this, check out this week’s podcast episode with Kevin.
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The Brain Prompt
What if your best life isn’t about doing more, but about doing less?
What would change if you stopped trying to prove your worth and started accepting it instead?
For more actionable insights on persuasion, influence, and psychology, subscribe to Inner Propaganda.
Cheers,
Owen.
