Building better emotional control

There are two problems with feeling bad. The feeling itself and the decisions you make when feeling bad. We make a lot of mistakes when we find ourselves in stressful, scary or depressing situations. If your job relies on your ability to stay calm and collected and be in charge of your feelings, what can you do in order to give yourself the perspective that you need? What can you do in order to build better emotional control?

With NLP, Mindfulness, CBT and the array of different options at your disposal, there are an infinite amount of tools you can use to change how you feel. There have been a lot of studies done over the past while that give us a really good clue as to what actually works.

Let me summarise some of the key strategies that might help make a difference for you:

OBSERVE YOUR ‘FEELS’

Next time you find yourself in a non-useful state, immediately become aware of the state and how it feels and give it a label. Notice how it feels in your body and simply imagine watching it like you were an observer. If your thoughts are racing or negative or stressful, simply observe each thought as being information. Pure information. Data.

REMEMBER THE LIES

When we are feeling bad, we constantly frame things in non-useful ways. Remembering that you distort everything can remind you that everything you are thinking is probably far from the truth. The chances of whatever bad thing could happen actually happening is possibly far less than you think. We exaggerate, lie to ourselves and talk rubbish that is quite far-fetched.

FIND THE GOAL

Our emotions have a purpose. They are always trying to help us in some way. The next time you find yourself feeling bad, the key is to ask yourself what is the lesson here? For example, worry and stress are emotions that are trying to protect us. By creating stress, our mind is giving us a warning to prepare for something that might happen in the future.

IMAGINE THINGS WORKING OUT AS YOU WANT THEM TO

This one might seem like common sense but lots of people fail to do this. It is important to get your brain to start focusing on success and solving the problem. The more you get into the habit of doing this, the less your negative emotional state will last.

CHANGE YOUR SELF TALK

Listen to the voice in your head. When we talk to ourselves, the tone we use often has a big impact upon our feelings. Change the tone and you will change the feeling. When you say negative things to yourself in a ridiculous tone of voice, you will feel differently. For more on this check out one of my videos on negative internal dialogue.

FOCUS ON WHAT STATE YOU WANT TO BE IN

Getting ‘out’ of a state is not always that useful a goal. Instead, it is important that you focus on what state you actually want to be in. Simply by acknowledging where you want to get to, your brain will find it easier to start creating that state.

PREPARE FOR IT

If you know you may well feel stressed or scared in a certain situation then plan ahead and focus on what behaviour you are going to engage in. By disciplining yourself to do whatever you decide is best ahead of time you put yourself in a much better position. Also, learn what triggers bad moods and stress for you and figure out how to deal with them and avoid the triggers as much as possible. Planning is crucial. You plan. You win.

LOOK AFTER YOURSELF

Your physical health will have a huge impact upon how you feel. Hangovers, unhealthy food and lack of exercise all play a part in knocking you into a bad place. Keep fit. Eat well. Sleep well. Create balance in your life. Your mood will improve as a result.

PHYSICALLY CHANGE YOUR POSTURE

Research shows that our brain chemistry is affected by our physiology. Immediately get up and shake yourself off and put yourself into the posture you would be in if you felt really good. Stay in this posture and breathe in this way until you start feeling it.

LISTEN TO YOUR FAVOURITE SONG AND SING ALONG

This is silly advice and yet it works. Whatever song you love, listen to it and sing like crazy! It has a wonderful mood changing effect.

These are just some ideas that might help ward off those bad feelings. Try them and let me know how you get on!

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