Changing the Story of Your Life

Hi there,

What’s the Story?

Things are good—and getting busier than ever! Traveling again this week, but a couple of days off this coming weekend, which will be nice. Between keynotes, coaching sessions, and live events, I’m seeing more and more how powerful storytelling is… not just for others, but in how we talk to ourselves. Check out the latest clips I’ve uploaded on my YouTube channel of me in action.

This week’s video is all about how changing your beliefs can change your life. You can watch it here.

Now, onto this week’s piece. It speaks to one of the core ideas I’ve been working on. I hope you enjoy it.

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Changing the Story of Your Life

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes 02 seconds

We don’t live in reality. We live in the stories we tell ourselves about reality.

These stories explain why we win, why we lose, why people leave us, and who we believe we are. And if those stories are flawed, our entire sense of identity can work against us, without us even realizing it.

But here’s the good news:

You can rewrite the story.

And when you do? You change everything.

This isn’t some fluffy affirmation nonsense. This is grounded in decades of research in psychology, neuroscience, and storytelling structure. It’s also deeply personal, because we’ve all got a “story” running in our heads that needs an edit or two.

Let’s talk about how to do it.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Every one of us has an internal narrator. Sometimes it’s helpful. Other times, it’s a little… dramatic. You know the one:

“I always mess this up.”
“Nobody takes me seriously.”
“I’m just not good at X.”

These aren’t facts. They are stories. Often, they’re stories we never consciously wrote. They were pieced together from random childhood memories, a bad breakup, some YouTube videos, and your well-meaning friend who said, “You’ll never make a living doing that.”

They’re not reality. They’re narratives. So we have to start with a question:

What story are you telling yourself, and how’s it working out for you?

Reframing Your Life

In screenwriting, every compelling story has structure:

Situation
Goal
Obstacle
Crisis
Climax
Resolution
Insight

Your life works the same way. The only difference? You’re the writer and the lead character. And your brain, like every good script supervisor, fills in the blanks, often without asking you.

If you’ve been telling yourself a story where you’re the victim, the failure, the messer-upper of all things… your brain will collect every piece of “evidence” to prove that story true. To change your life, you must change the script.

Identify the Story

Ask yourself these core questions:

1. Why do I win when I win?

2. Why do I lose when I lose?

3. Why do good things happen to me?

4. Why do bad things happen to me?

5. Who am I?

6. Who do I believe I will become?

7. What do I think is possible for someone like me?

The answers to these seven questions form your unconscious operating system. You don’t need to judge your answers—just notice them. That’s the first draft. Now we begin the rewrite.

Choose a Better Role

Most of us bounce between four roles in our own mental stories:

The Villain (You beat yourself up. Everything is your fault.)
The Victim (You feel powerless. Nothing you do matters.)
The Hero (You overcome challenges. You learn and grow.)
The Mentor (You help others grow from your experience.)

If you’re stuck in villain or victim mode, your story keeps you small. The goal? Shift to the hero. Then, eventually, the mentor.

Why? Because mentors don’t just survive. They teach others how to thrive.

Rewrite the Script

Let’s take a bad story and rewrite it.

OLD STORY:
“I failed at my business because I’m just not good with money. I always make stupid decisions.”

NEW STORY:
“I ran into real challenges, and I made some bad calls. But I’ve learned from every one of them. I know now what not to do. And that makes me 10x more ready for my next move.”

See the difference?

Same facts.

Different frame.

One imprisons you. The other empowers you.

How Your Brain Locks in Your Story

Your brain loves repetition. The more often you think a thought, the more “true” it feels. Even if it’s absolute rubbish. This is called emotional salience. The emotional weight of a story makes it stick. That’s why painful stories often feel more “real” than positive ones. The key is to inject new, emotionally-charged stories. Not just logic. Tell a new story about who you are—and then emotionally practice it.

Rewriting your story isn’t about lying to yourself. It’s about choosing a narrative that drives your growth.

Example:

OLD: “I was always the outsider. Never really belonged anywhere.”

NEW: “Being an outsider gave me perspective. I learned how to read people. I became the person who can walk into any room and see what no one else sees.”

Same events. Different meaning. New future.

Tools to Change Your Story

Here’s what works (because I’ve used these with clients for years):

Name the old narrative. Give it a title. “The Failure Saga” or “Always Almost There.”
Use third-person reframing. Write about yourself in the third person. “He struggled for years…”
Ask, ‘What did this teach me?’ Extract the gold from your pain.
Design your new identity. “I’m the kind of person who ____.” Then prove it.
Speak it. Say it out loud. Repetition strengthens belief.

You are not your past. You are not your pain. You are not the worst thing that’s happened to you. You are the story you choose to live by. Pick a better one.

And live like it’s true.

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