How to Handle Criticism and Build Boundaries

Hi there,

What’s the Story?

Things are busier than ever on this side—lots of sessions, new material being created, and plans for the new year. I’m loving the momentum.

Below, here’s something to chew on that I believe will make a massive difference in how you handle one of the toughest parts of life: criticism.

Remember to check out this week’s video on my YouTube Channel – you can watch the latest one here.

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How to Handle Criticism and Build Boundaries: What to do when someone tries to take you down, and how to stop them from walking all over you

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes 04 seconds

Criticism. It’s one of the hardest things to receive and often, one of the most awkward things to deliver. Whether it comes from a stranger online, a colleague at work, a friend, or a loved one, the sting of it can stay with us. But what if you could strip the sting right out of it? What if you could build relationships that protected you from that sting in the first place?

The truth is, life is full of other people, and not all of them are going to clap when you do well.

Let’s start with why people criticize in the first place.

Why People Criticize

There are usually four reasons why someone throws criticism your way:

Insecurity – They don’t feel good enough, and they want to bring you down to their level. They’re not trying to hurt you—they’re just scared you make them feel small.
Sabotage – They’re jealous. You’re doing better than they are, and that makes them feel like they’re losing.
Critical addiction – It’s a habit. Some people are just wired to look for what’s wrong. They see a beautiful painting and say, “I hate that frame.”
Genuine desire to help – They want to help you get better… they just have the communication skills of a wrecking ball.

Now, once you realize that one of those four is probably the reason behind the comment, it starts to lose its power. The sting begins to fade. It’s not you. It’s them. And that shift, where you stop taking it personally, is what changes everything.

Criticism vs. Critique

Criticism says: “You’re not good enough.”

Critique says: “Here’s something that might help you get better.”

The difference is massive. Criticism attacks your identity. Critique focuses on behavior. One tears down, the other builds up. And the problem is, too many of us criticize ourselves the same way others do. We internalize it. We let it fester.

So what if you stopped doing that?

What if, instead of hearing “You’re lazy,” you translated it into: “Okay, maybe I didn’t bring my A-game in that moment—what can I learn from that?”

Reframing criticism is one of the best superpowers you can develop. And here’s how to do it:

The Six Criticism Filters

Filter it for information – Ask yourself: Is there anything useful here?
Recognize the source – Who is this person, and where are they coming from?
Understand their agenda – What are they really trying to achieve by saying this?
Guess what they need to feel – Often, they just want to feel better about themselves.
Don’t let it rent space in your head – Stop replaying it over and over. Let it go.
Plan your response – Know what to say (and what to think) next time it happens.

These steps allow you to respond, not react. They help you stay composed. And in a world full of people eager to offer opinions, that’s a very big deal.

Responding in the Moment

When someone criticizes you in front of others, you’ve got a few options:

Avoid it: Change the subject and don’t give it air.
Laugh it off: Diffuse the tension. Take the sting out.
Push back: Assert yourself and set the record straight.
Clarify: Translate their attack on your identity into a discussion about behavior.

You don’t need to win. You just need to stop the attack from owning you.

Now let’s talk about boundaries.

Building and Keeping Boundaries

Boundaries are your rules for how people treat you. And if you don’t set them, people will walk all over you.

Start with a quick inventory:

Which relationships drain or hurt you?
Which ones need to end?
Which ones can be improved?

Then ask:

What rules are being broken here?
What behavior do I need to see from them going forward?
What do I need to do to reinforce that?

Because a boundary isn’t just a line you draw, it’s a line you defend. You can’t just say, “Don’t treat me like that.” You have to back it up with action.

For example, if someone keeps canceling on you last-minute? You don’t just say, “Oh, it’s fine.” You tell them it’s not fine. And next time, you make it harder for them to book you. If it’s a client? You charge for last-minute cancellations. If it’s a friend? You stop jumping to rearrange your whole week for them.

Boundaries without consequences are just empty words.

So—how do you communicate boundaries?

Calmly. Clearly. Consistently.

You don’t need to over-explain. You don’t need to defend yourself. You just need to say, “Here’s what works for me, and here’s what doesn’t.” And then follow through. Over time, the people who care about you will adapt. The ones who don’t? Maybe they’re not your people.

One final thing on criticism:

If you’re not getting criticized, you’re probably not doing enough.

When you start making moves, stepping up, and speaking out, you will get judged. It’s part of the game. And the better you get at handling it, the more unstoppable you become.

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