The Art of Reading People

Hi there,

What’s the Story?

I just returned from a fun weekend with my fellow members of the National Speaker’s Association where I caught up with friends and walked away with some cool ideas to move the business forward.

I will be returning to Europe now for the next few weeks and am excited to get some time to focus on the book projects.

The podcast that was released yesterday was all about reading people more effectively. I explore some of the key insights in the article below. But to check out the episode go here: video.owenfitzpatrick.com

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The Art of Reading People

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes 27 seconds

What if you could tell when someone was lying?

What if you could understand people deeply within seconds of meeting them?

Wouldn’t that be cool?

Unfortunately, mind reading (as of now at least!) is science fiction.

At the same time, becoming skilled at reading people is something we can work on.

We can learn a lot of lessons from the very best experts in studying people from lie detection experts to poker players, to magicians.

This week, we’ll explore what the research says and dive into the fascinating world of understanding others deeply.

Why Reading People Matters

Understanding why reading people is essential can transform your social interactions and professional relationships. Here are some key benefits:

1. Enhanced relationships: It can help you build better friendships and connections.

2. Improved communication: It can assist you in knowing what others think of you so you can adjust your approach.

3. Increased emotional intelligence: It is critical to becoming better at navigating others’ feelings.

4. Better business acumen: It provides you with insights that can enable you to navigate the business world more effectively.

5. Avoiding manipulation: It minimizes the likelihood that you will be deceived by others.

The Neuroscience of Reading People

So what happens in the brain when it comes to reading people?

We have what is known as mirror neurons that help us empathize with others by mirroring their actions and emotions. When you see someone smile, your mirror neurons make you feel happy too.

As children, we soon develop what is known as a ‘theory of mind’. This cognitive ability allows you to understand others’ perspectives, predicting their feelings and thoughts.

In terms of structures, parts of the brain such as the insula and anterior cingulate cortex process emotions and help regulate your response accordingly.

To do so, your brain doesn’t rely on one type of information. Instead, it integrates verbal and non-verbal cues to understand the full message. It considers context and other variables that help us figure out what is going on.

The key to remember is that our brains are prediction machines and, as such, they are focused on making sense of the available information that comes from our senses, our internal sensations, and the memories and concepts we have learned about contexts like those we are in.

It is as a result of this, however, that we must also be mindful of our brain’s tendency to jump to conclusions through biases.

Recognizing Biases

The first step to reading people is to become aware of your own biases.

These include cultural biases where you are influenced by your upbringing, personal experiences where you are impacted by past interactions you’ve had, and stereotypes which are preconceived notions you have based on group characteristics.

There are also cognitive biases where we find ourselves overconfident in our assumptions or influenced by our desire to like or dislike the other person.

Acknowledging and understanding these biases can help prevent them from steering you wrong in figuring out the other person.

The Four Types of Text

A good starting point in reading others, when reading people, consider these four types of “text”:

1. Text: The actual words spoken.

2. Subtext: The underlying meaning behind the words.

3. Context: The situation in which the communication occurs.

4. Supertext: The overarching message or agenda.

Understanding these layers helps you decode the true message being conveyed.

Deep Empathy

Developing deep empathy involves really understanding a person. It includes the following:

1. Overall goal: What are they trying to achieve in life?

2. Agenda: What do they want in the current interaction?

3. Identity: How do they see themselves?

4. Problems and worries: What issues do they face and what do they fear?

5. Values: What is important to them?

Deep empathy allows you to connect with others on a meaningful level, improving your ability to read and understand them.

The Clues of Other People

So, what do we need to look out for when reading others?

You are looking to answer the question:

‘What is the other person telling me about themselves?’

Here’s how to decode various cues from people:

1. Body language: Look for clusters of behaviors rather than single signals. Dominant postures, eye contact, and facial expressions provide insights into emotions and intentions.

2. Voice tone: Fast speaking may indicate nervousness or excitement, while slow speaking might suggest thoughtfulness or uncertainty.

3. Stories and language: The way people position themselves in their stories reveals how they want to be perceived. Pay attention to vocabulary, grammar, and verbal ticks.

4. Appearance and behavior: What people wear, how they present themselves, and their physical possessions can provide clues about their personality and values.

5. Actions: The actions a person takes will usually tell you more about them than their words.

6. Response to adversity: How someone deals with adversity can inform you plenty as to their true character.

The Law of the Intentional Signal

There is also what I call the ‘Law of the Intentional Signal’ which suggests that people will often optimize to present themselves with a specific trait or set of characteristics. Whenever you meet someone, understanding what they are signaling will help you to know what is important to them as opposed to what is true about them.

For example, when someone signals that they are wealthy they might wear a fancy-looking watch. But you might be able to tell from other clues that they aren’t nearly as wealthy as they would like you to think.

In today’s world, many people virtue signal. They use social media to share their opinion about what should or shouldn’t happen. They do this to show to the world ‘Look how good a person I am.’ Others signal beauty or success, coolness, intelligence, or being cultured, etc., etc.

When you are with a person, it’s important to distinguish clues from signals. This will help you differentiate between pretentiousness and authenticity.

The key is to ask yourself:

‘How does this person want me to think about them?’

That will help you identify their signals.

Strategies to Read People Better

Here are some strategies that can help you to read people better:

1. Observe body language:

Look for consistent and clustered patterns rather than isolated gestures.

2. Listen to voice tone:

Pay attention to speed, volume, and intonation. What does that suggest?

3. Understand context:

Consider the situation and background of the interaction. How should people respond? How do they respond?

4. Recognize signals:

Identify what people are trying to convey about themselves.

5. Develop deep empathy:

Practice putting yourself in others’ shoes to understand their perspective.

Reading people is an invaluable skill that enhances your personal and professional life. By understanding the science behind it and practicing the strategies outlined above, you can become more adept at interpreting the true intentions and emotions of those around you.

I hope you found this newsletter insightful and empowering. For more in-depth discussions, tune in to the Changing Minds Podcast.

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