How To Handle Things That Make You Feel Bad

Bad Feelings About the Past

• These feelings come from negative memories: sadness, regret, shame, self-blame, bitterness.

• My recommended strategies:
  
  • Remember your resilience: Recall moments you’ve overcome difficulty or experienced joy because of past events.
    
  • Extract lessons: Ask, “What can I learn from this?” or “How has this made me stronger?”
  • Tell a new story: Separate facts from interpretation and rewrite the meaning in an empowering way.

Bad Feelings of the Considered Present

• These emotions arise when you evaluate your life today: stress, burnout, overwhelm, anger, and fear.
  
• Strategies I teach:
  
  • Shift perspective: Consider how you’ll view this moment in a year, five years, or at the end of your life.
    
  • Redirect focus: Identify what’s actually good in your present life — your allies, resources, privileges, opportunities.
    
  • Take action: Ask, “What can I do today to reduce stress, improve my situation, or change my state?”

Bad Feelings About the Possible Future

• Fear, anxiety, worry, or anticipatory stress about what might go wrong.
  
• Strategies:
  
  • Prepare for possibilities: Write down everything you fear might happen.
    
  • Consider alternative futures: Identify other (including positive) ways events could unfold.
    
  • Use probabilities: Assign likelihoods to each scenario to bring realism into your predictions.
    
  • Plan for the best: Visualize the ideal outcome and determine the actions required to support it.
    
  • Take purposeful action: Prepare both for risk and for success.

Setbacks (When Plans Fall Apart)

• Disappointment when reality differs from expectations.
  
• How I suggest handling setbacks:
  
  • Refocus on the original goal: Reconnect to your purpose or adjust the goal if needed.
    
  • Take adaptive actions: Respond intentionally rather than emotionally.
    
  • Keep your eye on the prize: Let your “why” drive you forward.
    
  • Use the obstacle as fuel: Lean into the Stoic principle, the obstacle is the way.

Negative Events (Out of the Blue)

• Life events you didn’t predict: health issues, fights, job loss, emergencies.
  
• Strategies for these moments:
  
  • Use the agency mindset:
    
    • What can I control?
      
    • What can I influence?
      
    • What must I accept?
      
  • Trust in a brighter future: Remind yourself that this too shall pass.
  • Find empowering meaning: Look for lessons, purpose, or growth inside the hardship.

Mood Movers (Biological/Physiological Influences)

• When physical states drive emotional states: hunger, exhaustion, poor sleep, and lack of movement.
  
• What I recommend:
  
  • Exercise regularly
    
  • Move often throughout the day
    
  • Eat healthfully
    
  • Sleep well
    
  • Rest intentionally
    
  • Spend time in nature
    
  • Connect with supportive people
    
  • Audit your attention on what you watch, read, and consume emotionally.

These six categories: past, present, future, setbacks, negative events, and mood movers, shape virtually every bad feeling we experience. By identifying the category, you can choose the right strategy to shift your emotional state and regain control.