In this episode, I explore Dale Carnegie’s work. His seminal book ‘How to win friends and influence people’ as well as his other classics.
Dale Carnegie is a legend in the field of personal development. The Dale Carnegie Institute still trains thousands of people around the world in presentation skills and soft skills. Initially, Dale started teaching public speaking when he realised that his own ability to speak was the greatest thing that he felt he had learned in his life.
A few years later, there was a study done in a university where over two years they asked people what they would most like to learn. After health, the next topic was to learn about how to deal with other people. Thus, Dale decided to do a book on it. How to win friends and influence people became extremely popular very quickly.
The main topics Dale covers in his books are:
- Becoming more likeable
- Influencing others
- Being able to stop worrying
- Becoming confident
- Developing a positive attitude
- Improving your speaking
There are a number of key ideas that Dale spent time teaching in his books and work. I have broken them down here with the topic, some bullet points and the key lesson I took from it.
1) Developing a positive attitude:
Fill our minds with positive thoughts.
Revenge is a waste.
Don’t expect gratitude just give.
Count blessings not troubles.
Don’t intimate others. Be you.
Lemon makes lemonade.
Make others happy.
Enthusiasm very powerful.
Identify your strengths.
CORE LESSON: BE POSITIVE INSIDE AND OUTSIDE
2) Fundamental techniques for handling people
Don’t criticise, condemn or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Arouse in another person an eager want.
FOCUS ON MAKING THEM FEEL GOOD
3) Six ways to make people like you
Be genuinely interested in other people.
Remember a person’s name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener.
Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Make the other person feel important -sincerely.
SINCERELY CARE ABOUT THEM AND THEIR FEELINGS
4) Win people over to your way of thinking
Show respect for other’s opinions. Never say “you’re wrong”.
If you are wrong admit it quickly and clearly.
Begin in friendly way.
Get them saying yes yes immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let them feel idea is theirs.
Try to see things from their point of view.
By sympathetic to their ideas and desires.
Appeal to nobler motives.
Dramatise your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.
FOCUS ON WHAT YOU DO AGREE WITH
Focus on big picture.
Ask questions instead of direct orders.
Build trusting relationships.
People need to want to do a good job.
Make them happy about doing what you suggest.
Step outside you to see what’s important for someone else.
Team players are the leaders of tomorrow.
Respecting others bedrock of motivation.
People work for money but go the extra mile for recognition, praise and rewards.
Set goals – clear, challenging and obtainable.
CORE LESSON: RESPECT, CARE ABOUT AND PRAISE THEM
6) Delivering Feedback
Call attention to their mistakes indirectly.
Talk about own mistakes first before theirs.
Let the other person save face.
Praise slightest and every improvement.
Give other person fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement and make fault easy to correct.
CORE LESSON: FOCUS ON IMPROVEMENTS AND SUCCESSES
7) Handling Worry
Live in day-tight compartments.
Worst case scenario and prepare for it.
Remind toll worry plays on health.
CORE LESSON: BE PRESENT, PREPARE AND PRIORITISE HEALTH
8) Basic techniques in analysing worry
Get the facts
Weigh and decide
Carry out decision
What is problem? Cause? Possible solutions? Best solution?
CORE LESSON: EVALUATE DECISIONS
9) Break worry habit
Don’t sweat small stuff.
What are odds of this happening?
Cooperate with inevitable.
How much worry worth and stop there.
Let past bury its dead.
CORE LESSON: ESTIMATE, ACCEPT AND ACT
10) Stop worrying about criticism
Unjust criticism compliment.
Do best you can then umbrella criticism.
Record mistakes and critique self. Ask for it.
CORE LESSON: USE USEFUL CRITICISM
11) Prevent worry and fatigue
Rest and relax.
Focus on immediate problem, priorities, solve problems immediately and delegate.
Put enthusiasm in work.
Stop worrying about sleep.
Balance work and leisure.
CORE LESSON: PRIORITISE AND PROBLEM SOLVE
12) Speaking (the attitude)
Know your topic.
CORE LESSON: KNOW YOURSELF AND YOUR TOPIC
13) Preparing Speeches
Persuade, inform, impress, entertain.
Clear call to action.
Fill talk with illustrations and examples.
Clear Sequence and Time.
Prepare for planned and improv speeches.
CORE LESSON: BE CLEAR, PREPARED AND FOCUS ON THEM
14) Speaking Skills
Grab attention immediately.
Introduce topic and importance.
Humanise personalise specify dramatise.
Show you care.
Make it relevant.
Use concrete familiar picture words.
Identify with audience.
Compare strange familiar fact into picture.
Get them agreeing beginning.
Compare known and unknown information.
CORE LESSON: SHOW YOU CARE AND CONNECT WITH THEM
14 CORE LESSONS FROM DALE CARNEGIE
- BE POSITIVE INSIDE AND OUTSIDE
- FOCUS ON MAKING THEM FEEL GOOD
- SINCERELY CARE ABOUT THEM AND THEIR FEELINGS
- FOCUS ON WHAT YOU DO AGREE WITH
- RESPECT, CARE ABOUT AND PRAISE THEM
- FOCUS ON IMPROVEMENTS AND SUCCESSES
- BE PRESENT, PREPARE AND PRIORITISE HEALTH
- EVALUATE DECISIONS
- ESTIMATE, ACCEPT AND ACT
- USE USEFUL CRITICISM
- PRIORITISE AND PROBLEM SOLVE
- KNOW YOURSELF AND YOUR TOPIC
- BE CLEAR, PREPARED AND FOCUS ON THEM
- SHOW YOU CARE AND CONNECT WITH THEM
Recommended books and podcast
How to Win Friends and Influence People Dale Carnegie
How to stop worrying and start living Dale Carnegie
A quick and easy guide to effective speaking Dale Carnegie
WHAT YOU WILL LEARN PODCAST (How to win friends and influence people episode)
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