Chris Voss is one of the worlds leading authorities in hostage negotiation. In this episode, I discuss his excellent book on applying his skills to business negotiations.
Chris Voss is the CEO and Founder of the Black Swan Group Ltd and author of Never Split The Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It. He also taught international business negotiation at Harvard University and was the principal international kidnapping negotiator of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) for 4 years. For 7 years he worked with the FBI Crisis Negotiation Unit negotiating for high profile international kidnapping cases. During Chris’s 24 year tenure in the Bureau, he was trained in the art of negotiation by not only the FBI but Scotland Yard and Harvard Law School.
Win Win not your best outcome
Most Old School don’t work is because they ignore human being
Humans are irrational, emotional and biased
Human beings want to be accepted and understood.
Be an active listener
Start with Active Listening.
What are they saying?
EQ and Empathy
Be a Mirror
Negotiation is not a battle… it’s an act of discovery
Focus on what other person wants to say. Make them feel safe.
Validate their concerns and emotions.
3 types voice: Late night DJ voice… calm and slow, playful positive… default, direct assertive
Mirroring works magic
Establish TRUST is goal. Insightful and Warm (not bully or fact)
Help them see solving your problem solve their problem
Hear what you want to hear… eliminating all the rest.
Mirroring: Reply using last 3 or 4 words that they have said.
‘YES… last few words’
Signalling I hear you and similar = Trust
DJ voice, I’m sorry, Mirror, Use Silence Effectively, Repeat
Never say I understand
Don’t Feel their pain label it
Make them feel understood – TACTICAL Empathy
Labeling – Actively listen to other person. Validate their emotion.
It seems like…. sounds like… looks like
Extract emotion and state it out loud
MAIN GOALS: Actively listen, employ tactical empathy and employ mirroring and labelling
BEWARE YES – MASTER NO
No can mean – not ready, uncomfortable, understand, afford, need more info, prefer talking someone else
What about this doesn’t work for you?
What would you need to make this work?
It seems like there’s something hear that bothers you?
3 Kinds Yes –
Counterfeit – Easier to say yes
Confirmation – Reflexive to Yes or no
Commitment – real deal
Recognise which YES
No allows real issues, protects bad decisions, slows down, safe and secure
TRIGGER 2 WORDS TRANSFORM ANY NEGOTIATION
Summarize to get it
BEND THEIR REALITY
Fair is critical
Anchor their emotions – acknowledge fears… prepare for a loss
Let other guy go first – opposite anchoring
Establish a range – People get between _ and _
Pivot to non monetary terms
When you talk numbers use odd ones (numbers ending in 0 seem placeholders)
Surprise them with a gift
Create Illusion of Control
Calibrated Questions: Open ended How and what questions…
Educate on what problem is. Make them feel in charge.
- What about this is important to you?
- How can I help make this better for us?
- How would you like me to proceed?
- What is it that brought us into this situation?
- How can we solve this problem?
- What are we trying to accomplish here?
- How am I supposed to do that?
Landlord… How am I supposed to do that? Ask them to help solve your problem
Rule of 3 – Yes, that’s right, calibrated question
Pinocchio effect… liars use third person and more words
Chris Discount – use own name (forced empathy)
Change tacts and get them out of rigid mindset
Use ‘I’ to bring attention to you.
Never be needy
Ackerman model – target price, 65% 3 raises 85,95,100%, empathy and No, precise number, non monetary item on final number
3 types leverage
Positive – You have the power to give
Negative – You can make them suffer
Normative – Analyze their stance and use it to advance
Find common ground with them and world view
NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE BOOK
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