Hi there,
What’s the Story?
Hope you’re well and grounded wherever this newsletter finds you, whether that’s deep in work mode or trying to switch off the relentless noise of the world. The podcast is finally back for a shorter-than-normal season six. And we start with a fun one.
Recently, I had the opportunity to interview James Kimmel Jr., a violence researcher, psychiatric professor, and author of The Science of Revenge.
What followed was one of the most fascinating conversations I’ve had. James doesn’t just study revenge; he’s lived it. His story, insights, and research will fundamentally change the way you see violence, justice, forgiveness, and the human mind. We went deep into the addictive nature of vengeance, the neuroscience of grievance, and what actually works when it comes to healing.
You can listen to our fascinating discussion here.
I highly recommend James’ book, The Science of Revenge. Learn more here.
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The Neuroscience of Vengeance
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes 10 seconds
Let’s be honest. Most of us have fantasized about getting even. We might not admit it out loud, but we’ve had those moments when someone wrongs you, betrays you, or humiliates you, and somewhere in the back of your mind, the story starts writing itself:
“What would it look like if they suffered too?”
In Kimmel’s words, that story isn’t just a thought. It’s a psychological addiction. And it’s driven by a very specific neurochemical loop.
Here’s how it works:
1. You perceive a wrong. That activates the anterior insula, your brain’s pain and emotional salience network.
2. Your brain wants relief. So it creates revenge fantasies to reduce the pain.
3. Just imagining revenge activates your nucleus accumbens, the same area involved in addiction.
4. You get a dopamine hit from the fantasy, but it’s temporary. And now you crave more.
In short, the more you think about revenge, the more your brain rewards the thinking. And the more you want it. That’s the addictive loop.
The cost? You don’t just stay in pain. You start needing the pain to justify the craving.
And you start hurting others and yourself in the process.
Revenge vs. Justice
One of the most profound parts of our conversation was Kimmel’s distinction between two kinds of justice:
1. Justice as fairness – the kind sought by MLK, Mandela, and Gandhi. It’s rooted in equity, change, and healing.
2. Justice as punishment – which is actually revenge in disguise.
Think about how often we use the word “justice” to rationalize acts of violence. We want people to pay. We want to see them suffer. And when we label it justice, it gives us moral permission to pursue revenge. We bring them to justice.
But revenge doesn’t bring closure. It just sustains the cycle.
The Courtroom in Your Head
Kimmel’s most powerful idea is that every one of us is running a courtroom inside our mind. We’re judge, jury, prosecutor, and warden. We’re trying and sentencing the people who wronged us.
And most of the time, we never question it.
His technique, the “Miracle Court,” is designed to help people process grievances safely by letting the fantasy run its course inside a controlled space.
You imagine the trial.
You deliver the punishment.
Then, once that tension has been released, you ask:
Is this helping me?
That’s when the door to forgiveness opens.
The Neuroscience of Forgiveness
Forgiveness isn’t weakness or surrender or saying what happened was okay. It’s neurological liberation.
When someone even imagines forgiveness:
- The anterior insula (pain network) deactivates
- The reward network (addiction loop) quietens down
- The prefrontal cortex (logic and self-control) kicks in
And the best part? You don’t have to tell them. Forgiveness is internal. It’s yours.
Why This Matters
Kimmel’s story began with his dog being shot and his teenage self chasing the perpetrators with a loaded revolver. He stopped himself at the last second. And his life was never the same.
That “stop moment” didn’t come from a divine voice. It came from a flash of identity. A moment where he said: “This isn’t who I want to be.”
It saved his life.
The people who commit violence often feel like victims first. Bullies. Terrorists. Abusers. Dictators. They see themselves as defending their own justice. And that’s what makes revenge so dangerous. It’s hardwired into all of us. But so is the capacity to choose differently, because forgiveness is about not becoming the thing you hate.
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The Brain Prompt
Think of a person who wronged you deeply.
Now, imagine a courtroom in your mind.
Would punishing them actually make you feel better long-term?
Or would it just keep you locked in their story?
For more content on change, influence, and psychology, subscribe to Inner Propaganda.
Learn more about James Kimmel Jr. and his new book, The Science of Revenge, here.
Cheers,
Owen.
P.S. You can watch the full Changing Minds Podcast episode with James Kimmel Jr. here.
